Hey there, blog world! Long time, no talk, right? Life has been incredibly busy for me and honestly, there just hasn’t been time to put words down. It’s not that I haven’t had some “profound” thoughts, it’s just that by the time my calendar clears and the kids are in bed or busy at whatever activity is on the docket for the day—I’m exhausted.
Lenten season started a few days ago also, and this year, I have given up social media. While a break from doom scrolling is welcomed and the muscle-memory of reaching to open an app the moment I unlock my phone is still very much in full swing, I hoped that with the free time I had, that I might start writing again. So far, the time has been used to actually open the Bible app on my phone–particularly to reread the day’s assigned Psalms multiple times from a Lenten study that I’m doing with the women from my church. In my reading this morning, something moved me this morning and I felt I needed to put it down on paper (virtually, anyway).
I have never read all the Psalms all the way through. And the ones I’ve read mostly come from those inspiring wall decorations at Hobby Lobby or something I’ve seen on a very beautifully designed graphic posted on someone’s Facebook wall when they’re going through something. It’s only Day 5 of my study, but I’ve been engrossed in how desperate the psalmist is when he calls out to God for protection from evil. And how much he praises God dramatically. Lots of them are beautifully written. But when I read the notes before the Psalm in my Bible and I see David’s name over and over again, it doesn’t seem to matter how much I identify with his need for protection or how beautifully written some of them are–I get hung up on the reminder of his affair with Bathsheba and his murder of Uriah.
I got to thinking about that this morning. All of the confidence he has in the Lord, all of the beautiful words…and all I remember is his darkest sins. I guess that’s not fair, is it? Thank God (literally) that I’m not only remembered by what my darkest days have influenced me to do. I’m blessed that even though I have made mistake after mistake, that’s not what God thinks of me. Absolutely undeserved, of course. I read how evil these people against David are and I’m guilty of thinking so much about they/them, when really, honestly, it’s we/us or I/me. I have done nothing to earn a clean slate, but the same God of David, put on flesh and came to earth and died for me. His daughter. And that’s how he thinks of me. He thinks me worthy of His blood, not of my worst moments.
As I have mentioned before, I am just shy of being a Bible scholar (insert laughter here). I’ve been a Christian since late 2017, but even now, I’m just getting my feet wet when it comes to reading the Bible. Even more so when it comes to reading the Old Testament. I used to think that the OT was outdated and unnecessary for me to dive into, because we live under the New Covenant. But as I dig deeper, I realize that familiarity with the OT is absolutely necessary. Some of it may have the type of drama you spill the tea over, but a lot of it (as messy as it is) shows us the need for a savior and points to all of the evidence that Jesus is that savior in question.
The first thing I wrote down when I started reading through the psalms, was that as believers, we have to separate ourselves. The psalmist writes in Psalm 1:1-2: “How happy is the one who does not walk in the advice of the wicked or stand in the pathway with sinners or sit in the company of mockers! Instead, his delight is in the Lord’s instruction, and he meditates on it day and night.” It’s not enough to just not be evil or not do evil things–you must reject it and stay away from it. And even that’s not enough. Psalm 19:14 instructs that we also must clean up what we say and even what we think. This may lead to mockery, as living for God did for David (Psalm 22:6-8), but what a small price to pay for eternal salvation, right? One thing I know I need to work on is what comes out of my mouth. I don’t gossip much (have to have friends to do that, don’t you? Haha Who has time for those!?), but unkind, ugly or profane words are known to fly out more than I’d care to admit (especially if I’m in traffic). What comes out of your mouth is a reflection of what is in your heart, isn’t it? So this is something I’m definitely praying through. Cursing is mentioned a few times in the first part of the Psalms–though I’m not entirely sure he’s speaking about profanity. Perhaps he’s talking about actually cursing someone, but it felt very much directed at me (guilty conscious perhaps).
The major theme I’ve noticed though Psalms 1-22 is the idea that God is the psalmist’s refuge, protector, and rock. As someone who struggles with anxiety, I can relate. I also can relate with the lamenting and the confidence in God to come through waxing and waning. I have cried out in desperation like David in Psalm 6, asking why God forgot me, etc. According to a note in my study Bible, the doubt and questioning stems from the success of the wicked. It's human nature in us. I do love when the Bible points out to me that the people in it are just like me. Even ‘Doubting Thomas’ the disciple questioned things and he was actually there in the presence of Jesus.
I also love how the psalmist shows that our God is right there with us. When we need to call on him, we can. We don’t have to make an appointment. Psalm 16:7-8 says “I will bless the Lord who counsels me–even at night when my thoughts trouble me. I always let the Lord guide me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” My anxious heart rejoiced when I read this. I WILL NOT BE SHAKEN. He is my protector, my security, my refuge. He is love. So what is there to worry about? Plenty if you have anxiety, but I will remain strong because I know that no matter what comes my way, I have him to help me power through. But David also shows that we shouldn’t just go to God in prayer when we are distraught or are crying for help, we also need to praise him. Thank him for our blessings, thank him for giving us the world to take care of. Boldly write him a love letter in our hearts and with our mouths.
The parallels to the crucifixion, particularly in this week’s reading of Psalm 22 are just too much to ignore. Piercing of hands and feet, asking God why he abandoned him, the casting of lots–there’s a lot that matches up. And honestly, at the beginning of this Lenten season, Easter feels so far off (particularly if you’ve given up something for 56 days). Being reminded of how this part of the story ends (and then continues on three days later) was good for me. I know what’s coming in a few weeks, just like Jesus did.
Whew, that’s a lot for a first post back into the blog-sphere! It may be heavy and it’s coming from a total Bible novice, but I, like David, want others to experience God’s protection and rescue. In Psalm 20, David prays for the reader with confidence and praise for God. I hope that is coming through in my posts as well. I’m not here to tell you that I have everything figured out, that everything is easy-peasy and that I live a perfect Christian life. Because it’s not and I don’t. But as one of my favorite worship songs says: “I’m still in Your hands, this is my confidence–you’ve never failed me yet.” And that confidence doesn’t come from me or anything I’ve done, it comes from Him showing up time and time again. Even when I’ve been less than Christian that morning or asked why he abandoned me. I ask the question with my mouth, but my heart knows the truth.
The God of David is the God of Amber. He was love then, He is love now. Perhaps this trek through Psalms will make the verses more than just inspirational Hobby Lobby decor and tattoo a want and a need to praise God more boldly on my heart.
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