Find peace within.

    The final candle of Advent represents peace. Now, I know I’m even further behind than I originally was with my Advent blog series, but there’s a good reason for that. I took peace to mean just that. No agenda, no worries about a personal deadline. I took the time to remain as peaceful as I could, to linger in the final Christmas moments with my family and not worry about typing words into a machine.

    But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t thinking about peace. The kind of peace that comes from only Jesus. I know that the major meaning of the peace of advent is knowing that if we follow Jesus and believe He is the one true savior, that our peace is everlasting in Heaven alongside Him once we are no longer on this earth. But as someone who suffers from anxiety, peace is something that I’ve tried to strive for in my human life for as long as I can remember. Peace inside my own body. Sometimes it comes easier than others, but one thing I can tell you for sure, is that since I found Jesus, it comes a lot easier.

    It’s not that I don’t still suffer from anxiety, it’s not that I no longer have chest pains when things get too overwhelming or the uncertainty of a situation physically weighs on me…because from time to time, that stuff still happens. But I’ve learned that I’m not alone in dealing with it, and I’ve learned how to recognize it when it’s coming and how to better handle myself when it does. I’ve found more peace in the last few years within myself than I ever imagined. And trust me when I say that I’ve definitely been in more than enough situations that warrant the opposite.

    The peace from Jesus that I have also helps me to feel less guilty when I don’t avoid the anxiety as much as I had hoped. About two years ago or so, I started to believe that my anxiety, over-analyzing and heavy feelings were not character flaws, like I always thought they were. They were badges of empathy, things that make me act, feel, and think differently than others. I’ve tried to learn to lean into it, rather than try to change myself.

    I’m going to keep it relatively short because I know, like myself, the holiday clean up still awaits for you. But the next time you’re actively searching for peace, try looking inside yourself. You can not control what is happening around you, nor can you control others (not even your kids. Trust me, I try everyday). But look inward, remember you’re not alone, start giving yourself some grace (if Jesus can do it for all of your major mess ups, you can stop sweating the little stuff) and perhaps that will lead you to the peace you’re looking for.