Accepting our “flaws” as God-given characteristics

    I have always been an introvert and apparently, I also suffered from anxiety, before I knew there was a name for what I was feeling.  For as long as I can remember, I have overanalyzed every situation, I have dreaded confrontation, I have worried about things before there was anything to even worry about.  Once I really understood that there was no point in worrying, that God has it all figured out for me, it became a little more manageable for me.  That’s not to say that I am anxiety free, in fact, even in the time since I became a Christian, even in the time since I’ve learned to lean into God and pray when anxiety overcomes me, I’ve even been medicated for a short while.  It’s about balance, it’s about understanding that God is in control, that regardless of the situation or circumstances set before me, that I’m not alone.  But it’s also understanding that it’s okay to turn to medical professionals, too.  There doesn’t have to be an either-or.

     Very early on in my faith journey, I frequently read over Scripture about anxiety, and it helped.  Particularly Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” and 1 Peter 5:7: “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  I turned a lot to prayer.  In the beginning I really expected God to just take all my anxiety away and make me a completely new person.  But then I realized something.  God made me this way, and He doesn’t make mistakes.  So, while it became more manageable, I had started to search for the reasoning behind WHY He would have me to continue on this way.  I realized by working in a school for three years---I think He made me this way so that I could empathize with others who suffer from anxiety.  I have had many students come to me in times of struggle, regardless of my role in the school, whether it was as the SRO, a substitute teacher, or the attendance clerk, I seem to be in the right place at the right time (or the wrong place at the wrong time, depending on your perception! Ha).  I sympathize and understand these kids when they come to me just short of a panic attack or weighed down with stress and anxiety.  If you suffer from anxiety and have ever tried to explain it to someone who doesn’t, you know how frustrating it can be.  “Well, just try not to think about it.” Or “It’s going to be okay.”  Okay, yeah, that doesn’t cut it.  So it has helped me to be able to have conversations and help in ways that I would have probably not been able to if it was eliminated from personality profile.  So, even though sometimes it still weighs on me (a lot lately), I thank God for it, because I know it’s actually a blessing and a gift that helps me to relate to people that I would otherwise not be able to relate to.

    I find myself praying in times when the anxiety hits, and I think not only does it serve as a great distraction and helps me to remember that in the end, whatever happens is part of the Divine Plan, but it really has helped me with the way I process things.  I look back at earlier this year and think about how I handled my cancer scare.  Was I anxious?  Oh, heck yes.  But I handled it completely differently than I would have just a few years ago.  I probably would have sat in my room for hours crying and crying (that’s not to say that there weren’t a lot of tears shed during that time, because the unknown is still scary to an extent), but instead I told God “Use this for Your Glory, however, whatever that means for me.”  As I said in an earlier blog, I have no idea if that would have been my reaction with a positive diagnosis, but I hope it would be.  I was inspired by both Tim Tebow’s book and Tyler Trent’s book to “embrace the suck” and use it to glorify God. 

    So, I guess the moral of the story is that there are things you see in yourself as flaws that may actually be gifts that help you to relate to someone else.  I think about seasons in life and as another example, think about someone who has been through serious trials.  Losing loved ones, drug addiction, things like that.  These people can reach the hearts of people who have been through similar situations by saying, “Look, I’ve been there.”  They can relate to people that the rest of us can not.  Who knows how many of those people will come to know Jesus because of those interactions?

Thanks for reading this week.  God bless!